As The Door Closed
by Anrheithwyr
Summary: It wasn't Fair. Why did she have to make this choice?


_**Written for the 'One Line Competiton' by SilverOwlMalfoy. Except I'm not sure I did this challenge right. Ah, well. It isn't a very good story to begin with, anyway. Enjoy, if you must. **_

_**/**_

She knew what she'd done as soon as the door closed. It banged behind her, leaving her alone. Alone, so alone. He was downstairs, out in the hallway, outside of the common room, no doubt. Sulking, grumbling, planning. She felt awful, that horrible churning feeling she got whenever she fought with anyone. They had fought before-who hadn't fought? But it had never been like this, she had never yelled at him like this. She had turned away already, her eyes already lowered, but she couldn't ignore the sound of his angry words that still hung in the air.

"_So this is it, then? Him over me? You've made your choice, I can see that, and you've chosen him." he took a deep breath, a rattly, shaky breath that made her own lungs pause. "But you've chosen wrong, Lily, I know you have. He's no good for you, he's only going to hurt you." _

"How do you know he'll hurt me?" Lily whispered to herself, wrapping her arms around her chest, wishing that everything were easier, everything were the same as it was back in First Year, when she had known who her friends were and who wasn't. Back when classes were obvious and her goals even more so. But now, looking around her dormitory, at the mess on Alice's bed, and all the notes stacked up on Marlene's, and her own bed, sheets pulled up so neatly, so perfectly. When had Lily really ever truly been perfect, as perfect as the sheets before her? Plenty of people liked to accuse her of being perfect to the point of annoying, but only Alice had ever seen the tears. Only James had ever seen her collapse. Only Severus had ever seen her turn away, her voice cracking with fear.

Lily Evans wasn't perfect. Lily Evans cursed when she tripped, she messed up on assignments, her foot got caught on trip staircases. And no one seemed to notice, no one seemed to care, not James, not Alice, not Severus.

Severus.

"_Him over me? You've made your choice...and you've chosen him." _

Why did boys have to be so stupid? Why was dating for them such a competiton, trying to get this girl to like them, now this girl, now, can you get this one to kiss you? No? Ha, well _I _did. Things were easier, and harder, for a girl. You fell in love with a boy, hoped he liked you back, and then settled for whoever came along. But boys, oh boys, they fought over a girl like birds over a mouse, each trying to prove themselves in some way, until the girl, like the mouse, ran away in fear, squealing for her friends. People were hurt over love. People _died _over love.

"_You've chosen him." _

She can still hear the door closing, still hear his angry voice, accusing. Just because she had chosen a boy didn't mean she had chosen a side! Lily wished she had the courage to march down to him, accuse him of his own stupidity. She hadn't chosen a side, only a friend! But, then, it had always been this way, hadn't it?

"_I thought we were friends. I thought...I thought we had something. Together."_

"_Of course we're friends. Of course we have something. But I can still be friends with both of you. I don't need to pick a side, I don't need to just walk away from the other like we've never talked."_

"_But, Lily! He's not going to do anything good for you! His friends, they're dangerous. They'll get you killed, you know they will. I don't trust them. I don't trust him."_

"_I love you. I love both of you. Can't you just let me choose myself, instead of pushing and pulling?"_

"_So this is it, then? Him over me?"_

She sighed, rubbing her cold hands out on the mattress, then laying down, her head pushing at one the edges of her pillow as her head throbbed, teeming with thoughts of everything going on. There was a war going on, anyone could clearly see that. People, picking sides and enemies and alliances and people just dying all around. Lily was seventeen, too young to be thinking about all this. Her birthday, in January, seemed life-times away, even if it was only two months. Yet, here she was, trying to stay in the middle of the room while everyone else ran to one side of the other, grabbing up weapons.

"_What if you die? What if you get hurt?What am I going to do then, without you?"_

"_You'll exist, just like normal! You'll go on living, day after day, and the only difference will be that I'm not here."_

"_I don't think I can exist without you, Lily."_

_Lily shook her head. "Stop being so melodramatic. Everything's going to be fine. You'll be fine."_

"_What about him?"_

"_What about it? Are you banning me from being friends with him, now? Is that it? Are you saying I can only be friends with one of you? That's ridiculous!"_

"_Well, what if it is what I'm saying?" he narrowed his eyes. _

"_How do know I won't choose him over you?"_

"_I thought we were friends. I thought...I thought we had something. Together."_

"_Of course we're friends." _

She shook her head, trying to block the words from her head. Trying to stop the guilt, the emotions. Why couldn't everyone just shut up? Why wouldn't they just leave her alone? Suddenly, even the dorm has become too small. The Gryffindor tower has become too small. She needs to walk, needs to wander the halls of the school, to think.

Stumbling downstairs, ignoring the calls of her friends, and of Black, who worriedly asked her where James is. Is she's seen him? Opening the portrait and spilling out of it, not thinking, just heading off, her feet taking her somewhere. Stopping, running into someone who muttered a curse, pushing her away.

"Lily?" It was Severus, the last person she wanted to right now. He gave her a cautious look, put a hand on her shoulder, but she only stuttered away, peeling his hand from her.

"Please. Please, just go away."

"Has he done something to you? Potter, has he done something to you?" Severus scowled, his fingers hardening around the wand he carries now, the one he always carries. The same way as everyone else, sharp looks and wary fingers.

"James hasn't done anything." _You've both torn me in half. _"It's not his fault, Severus. Leave him alone." _Leave me alone. Leave me out of all of this. I don't want to be involved. _

"_He called you Mudblood. He called you Mudblood, Lily. Can you really just sit there and pretend like it never happened?"_

"_That was in Fifth Year! We're older, now. Mature, wiser. Severus knows what he's doing."_

"_What he's doing is wrong, Lily."_

_She shook her head. "Who are you to decide what's wrong and right? You're not in charge of the world, James." _

_James stood up, getting off the couch, staring down at her. "Fine. Fine. If you want to befriend Muggle-haters and future Death Eaters and prejudiced gits, then fine! Just...when you get it...I, I warned you. Remember that, Lily. I warned you." He frowned, turning away, climbing through the portrait hole door, which slammed behind him. Leaving her alone, as she ran upstairs to her dorm, avoiding the eyes. _

"Lily, have I done something?" asked Severus, standing right in front of her, real and confused.

"Yes. Yes. You've all done something. Please, just...I need to think. If-if you see Alice, tell her I've gone for a walk, okay?" He nodded and she took off again, her head filled with the words, the voices.

"_I thought we were friends."_

"_Of course we're friends." _

Outside, a war is rumbling on the horizons. And Lily Evans stood in the middle of it, waiting for it all to tilt, while she refused to pick a side.

_**/**_

_**It seems kind of jumbled to me. Oh well. Did you like the ending? **_


End file.
